By Christopher Cervantes, RFP

FRIENDSHIP and money—two powerful forces that don’t always mix well. Filipinos are known for being generous, helpful, and willing to extend a hand to people we care about. That’s a beautiful trait of our culture, but when it comes to lending money to a friend, the risk is real: you could lose either the money, the friendship, or sometimes both.

We’ve all been there. A close friend comes to you with a story: their salary got delayed, their child is sick, they’re short for rent, or they just need a “temporary bridge.” The appeal tugs at your heart, and your instinct is to help. After all, what’s friendship for if not to show up in times of need? But what starts as an act of generosity can quickly turn into a source of tension, disappointment, and even resentment.

The danger is not just financial—it’s emotional. Money is loaded with meaning. For the lender, it’s a sacrifice, a show of trust. For the borrower, it’s often wrapped in guilt, embarrassment, or sometimes entitlement. When repayment doesn’t happen as promised, the lender feels betrayed. When reminders are sent, the borrower feels pressured or judged. And before long, what was once a solid friendship becomes strained with unspoken bitterness.

Studies highlight how common this is. A survey by Bankrate in the US found that over 37 percent of adults who lent money to friends or family lost money, and nearly one in three lost a relationship as well. While that’s not Philippine-specific, the story rings familiar here. Filipinos are quick to step in, but slow to say “no,” even when the loan puts their own finances in jeopardy. The cultural value of utang na loob (debt of gratitude) adds another layer, making refusal feel like betrayal—even though lending could cause more harm than good.

The reality is this: when you lend money, you must accept the possibility that you’ll never see it again. If you can’t afford that outcome, then you can’t afford to lend. This doesn’t make you a bad friend; it makes you a responsible one. Because helping someone should not mean dragging yourself into financial stress.

So how do you navigate this minefield? First, change the perspective. If you want to help but can’t risk losing the full amount, give what you can as a gift, not a loan. This way, you free both yourself and your friend from the tension of repayment. A small amount given freely often preserves the relationship better than a larger amount tied to expectations.

Second, set boundaries. Be honest. A true friend will understand if you say, “I’m not in a position to lend, but here’s what I can do.” Maybe it’s connecting them with a side job, helping them budget, or giving emotional support. Sometimes the help they need most is guidance, not cash.

Third, learn to say no. It may feel harsh in the moment, but protecting your finances is not selfish—it’s smart. Remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. If lending will endanger your own security, or create stress for your family, the most loving thing you can do is refuse.

At the heart of this issue is a bigger lesson: money reveals values. Lending to a friend may feel like an act of loyalty, but if it erodes trust or creates resentment, both of you lose. Friendship is priceless. Don’t risk it for pesos.

So the next time someone close to you asks for a loan, pause. Ask yourself: can I afford to never see this money again? If not, it may be wiser to say no—or to help in another way. Because real friends don’t measure love by the cash you lend, but by the honesty, support, and presence you give.

At the end of the day, the money can be replaced. The friendship may not.

E-mail me at chris.cervantes@cardinalbuoy.com. Visit my website at www.cardinalbuoy.com. Follow me on Twitter @cervantes_rfp. Chris Cervantes is also the author of the best-selling book: “Financial Planning for the Fast Changing World, ” “LIfe Begins,” “The Seed Money” and “Odssey of Wealth and Legacy”.